i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
