Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
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