Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Randomize
