Swine flu. Run for my life!
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize