using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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