take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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