dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
where are my pants?
in the oven.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
