I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
