and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
