you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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