3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Randomize
