I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
