in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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