my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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