So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
Randomize
