I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
