Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
