My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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