two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
