how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Randomize
