she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
