I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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