Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
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