when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Randomize
