that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Randomize
