You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Randomize
