YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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