you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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