your thong is hanging out like whoa
I faked an abortion last night.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Randomize
