At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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