I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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