dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
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