Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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