I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
