She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
you had me at cake vodka
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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