Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
