Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
