I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
