woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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