Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
