So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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