I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
