Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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