HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
