Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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