Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
