Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
why do cheetos always look like penises
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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