Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
