It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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