chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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