I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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