I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
