My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
you will always have a special place in my vag
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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