Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
