He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
