I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
