what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
