I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
