just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
