my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
