I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
