you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
