my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
