Banned from zoo.
Again?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
