Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Randomize
