so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Green mimosas i think yes
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize