One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
