She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
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