so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
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