I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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